30days30words--word 30: a poem is born!

birthday  

secret wishes,
     fiery code…

                    nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

             cage.  

something whispers:

      furry coat,

                 thumping,

sniffing whiskers.  

subtle whistles,
      buried hope…
                 surprise!

         eyesearspaws
         leap—
finally
found. 

***************************

Crowd-sourced, collaborative, cumulative poem by

Amy Ludwig VanDerwater

Andromeda Jazmon Sibley

April Halprin Wayland

Bridget Magee

Buffy Silverman

Daisy Grant

Diane Mayr

Doraine Bennett

Gail Aldous

Irene Latham

Janet Fagal

Janet Wong

Joanne

Joy Acey

Julie Larios

Kate Coombs

Laura Purdie Salas

Laura Shovan

Linda Baie

Liz Steinglass

Margaret Simon

Mary Lee Hahn

Matt Forrest Esenwine

Michelle Heidenrich Barnes

Penny Klostermann

Petrina Hollingsworth

Renee LaTulippe

Robyn Hood Black

Ruth at TINSTAAGFT

Serena at Savvy Wit and Verse

Tabatha Yeatts

Tara at a Teaching Life

*********************************

Whoo-hoo!  Ladies and gentleman, I thank you for a most satisfactory experiment!  Even I'm surprised when I see how many of you helped this baby be born (and forgive me if I have left anyone out).  My time is scant this morning and I spent most of it incorporating your revision suggestions and exercising my editorial license, and I think that this birthday poem is now as good as it can be without messing with the fundamental collaborative, one-word-a-day premise.

 

And look--if I felt a little uncomfortable after suggesting that I had already preemptively selected the last word, I got my comeuppance.  My thoughts of a leaping, happy lap are replaced by a finer "finally/found."  (I did consider Irene's wish to have a serious surprise at the end by choosing, as in an unpromising Broadway musical, "Finally Ferret!")

 

As Buffy says, "Rules, schmules," and the lesson is perhaps "Tell creatives what to do at your peril."  I hope you all enjoyed the process and much as I did, and for all whose own awesome NPM projects I couldn't keep up with because of 30d30w, forgive me.  Next year I'll make my project to participate in yours!

30d30w: word 29

birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…

                     nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

         cage.

something whispers:

furry coat

                thumping

sniffing whiskers  

subtle wishes,

buried hope…
                surprise!

eyes paws ears   leap

finally

Golly.  When I first cut and pasted this from my worksheet doc, I had added lick from both Buffy and Laura S. as word 29--I'm a sucker for alliteration (and who among us ain't?).  But then, as Laura notes, that does rather limit the critter, since I can't picture anything leaping and licking except a dog. 

This became suddenly problematic, for I am not a dog person.  Now, I know that many (most?) people are dog people, but for the purposes of this poem--and bearing in mind that there are really VERY many dog poems--I suddenly decided that finally works better.  It captures all that whistling and whispering and wishing and hoping, and while typically one whistles for a dog, I can see someone whistling for a lost mouse or ferret or rabbit as well.

Early yesterday both Mary Lee and Daisy independently wondered the same way about "fiery code," and it's coming up in other comments too.  Let me tell you why that worked (and is still working) for me, although I may yet see the need to revise.  To me, the peak birthday moment is that moment when the candles are all lit and everyone is singing and you're gathering breath and putting your face right next to the undeniably dangerous flames and making your wish and knowing that a) you must not tell your wish and b) you must blow all the candles out at once and c) if there are those rules then there might be other rules, like how you encode your wish might actually matter.

For me, the poem begins in that moment, when the birthday child can think of nothing but the cage that has stood empty for days, and how the special whistle has not worked, and how encoding the wish exactly right in the blowing of that fiery, dramatic moment might do the trick...and then nothing.  The moment is over and the presents received, and no amount of happy wrapping can overcome the sadness of that empty cage.  Maybe "hides" is the problem?

I'd be very curious about how that first stanza reads to everyone else--I was sure that you'd be suggesting changes to "subtle wishes,/buried hope," since for me the energy seems to drop there and I'm not sure we're getting enough out of those words.  Last call for revisions!

And just one more time, may I say how much I'm loving this deep work at the word level?  And one more time, how much I appreciate those who have dropped in to play along? 

30d30w: word 28

birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…

                   nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

        cage.

something whispers:

furry coat

                thumping

sniffing whiskers

subtle wishes,

buried hope…
                 surprise!

eyespawsears leap

Here's our patient little poem without the questions marks, just to try that out...and Margaret's suggestion yesterday narrows down the animal, so to speak.  With only two words left, its species will be left unspecified (which is all right by me--ambiguity in a poem is, I think, often what allows it to speak directly to a wide range of listeners).  However, I'll admit I'd been thinking bunny or smaller, and "leap" is more of a cat or dog word.  I also liked Janet's bound, but that would be an even bigger beast, I believe, and harder to lose.  Or hide.  : )

Here's an interesting question:  must word 29 be an adverb now?  Or, if we accept that Word 30 is "lap," what else might work? 

30d30w: word 27

birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…

                     nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

        cage.  

something whispers…

furry coat?

thumping?
sniffing whiskers?  

subtle wishes,

buried hope…
                surprise!

eyespawsears

Poetry Friday was a packed party this week, I think--hard to get through the crowd to this corner of the universe!  Thanks to Margaret, Petrina and Janet for stopping by to keep things going.  Those ears are pretty important right now. 

I'm thinking about a happy lap for the last word, and again, on the 29th, instead of suggesting the last word, how about you advise me about one revision that would polish up this poem for its final appearance?

30d30w: word 26 and a special challenge

Flickr Creative Commons photo by Mykl Roventine

 
birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…

              nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

        cage.

 

something whispers…

furry coat?

thumping?

sniffing whiskers?

 subtle wishes,

buried hope…
                surprise!

eyespaws

For those who are just tuning in, welcome to the 30days30words cumulative, collaborative poem! To keep things simple for busy people this National Poetry Month, I posted a single word on April 1 and each day have invited all comers to suggest the next word in the poem. We have continued like this throughout April, one word at a time, and are nearing the conclusion of a poem of surprising form and function.  Please do go back and see how the poem has evolved through the faithful contributions of around a dozen thoughtful, playful collaborators!

 

It seems we must literally leap towards the conclusion now. All in a rush now the beloved missing (or new) birthday creature will leap into the poem, eyespawsandall, and I think I'll be selecting the last word myself (I might even know what it is, but we'll see!).

So, dear players, I have a special challenge for you on April 29. Instead of suggesting the final word, I invite you to suggest a revision, an edit, a change that you believe will improve the whole poem. I've certainly felt at several points along the way that I may have made a misstep in my selections or formatting, or that my head overruled my heart or vice versa.  I bet YOU can help me and "birthday" finish with a flourish. Thank you!

 

30d30w: word 25

birthday 

secret whistles,
fiery code…

                nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

        cage.

something whispers…

furry coat?

thumping?

sniffing whiskers?

subtle wishes,

buried hope…
             surprise!

eyes

Not just questions--could it be fur, could it be whiskers?--but actual eyes!  Thanks to Daisy for the first eye contact between birthday boy and creature.  Up to you all whether those eyes belong to the creature or the boy.  Or the girl.  Or the yo (enjoy this piece on the organic creation of a gender-neutral pronoun in Baltimore).  Five more words--make 'em good!

30d30w: word 24

birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…

              nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

         cage. 

something whispers…

furry coat?

               thumping?

sniffing whiskers? 

subtle wishes,

buried hope…
                surprise!

It's interesting that some of you intrepid adventurers into crowd-sourced poetry thought "buried hope" brought on more sadness.  To me those words indicated little seeds of returning hope that might spring into--well, surprise!  I appreciated Laura's sense that a stronger transition might be needed here, so close to the end of the poem.  And what's a birthday without a surprise? 

Now, while some writers do serious historical and cultural research, I tend to go with my sense of things and how they be.  Now and then, however, I have to check on my sense of how things be just to make sure I'm right, and I'm happy to say that a quick Google Images check confirms that rabbits, hamsters, mice, gerbils, dogs and foxes all have whiskers.  Also raccoons.  And most other mammals.  They're actually called vibrissae, and as so often happens, I just got sucked into reading a LOT about whiskers and how they work and now I'm late and have to stop and just say:  we have a lot of options, folks!  Thanks for playing!

30d30w: word 23

birthday 

secret whistles,
fiery code…

              nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

         cage. 

something whispers…

furry coat?

thumping, sniffing?

whiskers! 

subtle wishes,

buried hope…

Wow, hope(s) got THREE votes yesterday!  As Joy says, "It's your poem; go for it," but it's our poem too, so I bow to the majority preference, though you see I had to singularize it to align it better with "code" and "coat."  However, if I may exert (again) a little editorial influence, after all that abstractness, the next word is going to need to be a nice, muscular, active gerund.  It's time to get this creature into the birthday hands!  Only seven more words left!

30d30w: word 22

birthday 

secret whistles,
fiery code…

              nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

         cage. 

something whispers…

furry coat?

thumping?

sniffing whiskers! 

subtle wishes,

for a buried

FORgive me. I was seriously close to really breaking the rules and adding an a to Tabatha's for, so that "fiery" and "furry" could be followed by a two-syllable f-word. (Heh.)  But then I realized I'd be guilty of two crimes: one) adding two words instead of one, and two) insisting on something that might not serve the poem's meaning.  I'm always telling kids that trying to rhyme makes you say things you don't mean, and I was about to do the same.  So I'm BREAKING THE ESTABLISHED PATTERN (oof) and going with Janet's buried.  Be free, little poem!

30d30w: Word 21

birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…

              nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

         cage. 

something whispers…

furry coat, thumping?

sniffing whiskers? 

subtle wishes

Golly, you guys are awesome.  Late as can be yesterday, and I still got a good handful of suggestions.   How about a shift, not so subtle, to the creature's point of view?  Could something small, furry and whiskered sense an owner's powerful desires?  Or is it that those powerful, fiery whistles were too much, and that something subtler, a gentler wish on the boy's part might work better?  Can't wait to find out.  Thanks to Margaret for the good wishes! 

Also, I think I better have a back-up plan for tomorrow.  I have to get back into the early morning habit, so if I don't have any suggestions at 5 am tomorrow, I'm going to trawl from previous lists.  I hope that's okay with everybody and I guess, since I make the rules, that it's not cheating!

30d30w: word 20

birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…

              nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

         cage.

something whispers…

furry coat, thumping?

sniffing whiskers? 

subtle

Oh my goodness--I slept in for a change (until 7) and then raced out with a dish of dirty rice and beans for a "Family Field Trip" at school, where we all went out to clean up along the Anacostia River and then came back for a potluck lunch.  I came home and completely forgot that I hadn't selected Word 20!  But here we are with Tabatha's subtle to start off the 3rd stanza, where I will attempt to repeat the form established in stanza 1.

I noticed in Laura Shovan's comment that--ssshhh--we might be hunting a whiskery gift.  And why not?  Stanza 1 could totally mean that...except my concept was utterly different (hence the grief-stricken post I wrote along with Word 12.) In my mind, the secret whistles and fiery code were the birthday boy's last efforts to call his missing pet home in time for the celebration, but even after the party, the cake, the unwrapping of cheerful presents in happy wrapping, the cage still stood sadly empty.

Now that the party is over, just when hope for the return of the prodigal pet has dwindled almost to nothing, there are noises off.....Is something whispering? Is there a furry sort of sound, a little thumping, a slight whiskery sniffing somewhere?  It's very subtle--but it's there, and hope is revived!  Pistachios might be just the thing!

30w30d: word 19

birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…

              nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty

        cage. 

something whispers…

furry coat? thumping?

sniffing whiskers?

It was very kind of Amy to supply another set of whiskers, since Daisy was too busy watching Glee to even notice how apologetic I was about not choosing her word.  But now she's got what she wanted, and I've got what I need for the middle stanza, and we can now return to our regularly scheduled poem of organic integrity and authentic surprises.  I'm not entirely sure about the question marks--there could still be punctuational movement over the bridge...

In other news, after working all week to meet poems by Langston Hughes, Lilian Moore, Arnold Adoff and Beatrice Schenk de Regniers and learn what poets do, the Mighty Minnows will compose their own poems today!  I look forward to sharing these bonus poems over the weekend.