Greetings, beleaguered poetry colleagues. I don't want to make assumptions, but I'm pretty sure that most of you reading this are women of a certain age whose bodies are going or have gone (I could stop the sentence there, but there's more) through The Change. The experience is confusing, almost always uncomfortable, and, historically, lonely.
Don't even worry though; Melani and the We Do Not Care Club have got you. It is high time for all of us who, due to perimenopause, menopause, PMS, or the long-lasting echoes of those hormonal rollercoasters, unite and speak out. Here's the first video I saw from Melani and the WDNC Club:
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| https://www.instagram.com/p/DKLJT3wywkK/ |
Do please go and explore Melani's videos and take some time to read the comments--I believe you also will die laughing (or crying) and then rise with a wisdom women have been taught to resist.
It being the beginning of June, I took my turn to offer a challenge to the Inklings group, and it was to
Watch a few videos from the WE DO NOT CARE CLUB on Instagram or other platform. https://www.instagram.com/justbeingmelani/?hl=en Write a poem that lists or explains some things that you as a woman no longer care about for whatever reason. It does not have to be because of peri/menopause. Try to replicate Melani’s deadpan delivery, if that’s possible in a poem. TWIST: include something that you DO care about, that requires you to make space by jettisoning some of the other stuff.
I either have two poems or two very different stanzas, and right now, I do not care what order they go in. You can read whichever one first.
For me what is most revealing in this WDNC experience is just how many, many, many things we have been juggling caring about our whole lives--with WE being the operative word. It's not just anxious, perfectionist me, it's loooooooads of us, trying to get free. Now I have seen (but not thoroughly read) at least one opinion from someone who feels unable to join this club. But as Melani says in one video, she realized she did not care "not in a giving-up-on-life kind of way, but in a finally-free-from-perfection kind of way." Those who feel unable to join the club may be missing the entire point, which is that we--all of us--should be able to choose what we care to put our effort into.
Thanks to Buffy Silverman for hosting today, and don't miss your chance to sign up to host at Mary Lee's blog!
"We know what needs fixing. It is not us" made me ululate. (Something I learned from a belly dance teacher! So unexpectedly handy.) in case you want to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fPGqEpLYuQ
ReplyDeleteHeidi, this was a challenge. I put it off and actually free wrote into my blog post. I don’t care. Do you? I love your use of the word exoskeleton. I feel like I have always worried too much about appearances. Is it society or our own hangups? “It is not us!” Is a line that gives me courage.
ReplyDeleteHa--the image of that carapace dissolving with the flow of estrogen (which is kinda far in the past for me...but who cares) made me laugh. Here's to caring and not caring, and seeing the benefit of aging.
ReplyDeleteLove poetry that stands up TALL, Heidi. This poem surely fits into that category. It says don't argue. I get it.
ReplyDeleteGurrrrrrl, I loved this challenge with a love that comes from my estrogen-depleted toenals. Let me count the ways! I think that this old soul of a kid now woman past The Change has had a degree of snark the whole way through and golly, the freedom to let that freak flag fly has been awesome in this challenge and in watching those videos. I'd kind of like to keep this as a standing challenge in the way that Melanie does. I find humor in the difficult and poetry in the plain. Look at this comment? I'm still in the groove. You can absolutely keep your righteous anger and still point to the microwave for the adult child that needs to kill samonella microbes during dinner. Amen and amen.
ReplyDeleteAnd oh, so glad you are marching today! I'm throwing confetti from here. Mwah!
DeleteOh I love this! I recently heard someone say they'd maybe return to "______" when she was 50 and I laughed because I was thinking you will have fall less tolerance for BS at 50 than you do now. :) I'm just glad that that weird birthday celebration downtown is not scheduled for today so the pride parade can go on in peace.
ReplyDeleteLet’s hope so…
DeleteRight challenge at just the right time. I felt a little bit of the columnist's "I can't join," which is why my poem goes "I care, but I also don't care."
ReplyDeleteAs for the exoskeleton, I got the news this week that my endoskeleton, too, is dissolving at a rate that will soon need propping up with medication. Yes, I have crossed the line from osteopenia to osteoporosis. And I don't care. I can't. I'm still in better shape than my mom was at this age, and nothing's going to stop me from living my best life in every tomorrow I still have left in my bucket of lifeforce. Also, there is something in me that loves being a little more porous. Doesn't that mean I can absorb more? Bring it.
That is absolutely the next poem From the bucket of Mary Lee Hahn!
DeleteThanks for introducing us to Melani and the WDNC club! Love it! This attitude definitely grows with age and it is indeed liberating to know that one can let go of the burden of so many concerns that in retrospect do not matter in the long term. The second stanza of your poem made me smile and laugh. Happy Pride!!
ReplyDeleteHeidi, This is so true - sadly and not sadly - if you get what I mean. I'm 61. I no longer care about a lot of things. I can relate to so much of what many of the inklings wrote. A long time ago (ten years or more) a friend told me I was righteous. I took offense and he explained that it was a compliment not a criticism. Like all of you, I will choose what I care about now that I no longer care about a lot of "other" stuff.
ReplyDeleteLove! I ran across Melani on Instagram a few weeks ago (this was my first encounter with her and of course I immediately sent it to a friend: https://www.instagram.com/p/DJruYngJ-cf/ ) Instantly loved her.
ReplyDeleteI love your poems too (and the way you don't care about the order of stanzas.) And these lines, wow:
"...the hard, heavy/Exoskeleton of care that holds us up, that /drags us down"
I found it interesting that the opinion writer who said she can't join the club also can't bring herself to say the words "menopause" and "perimenopause." She is, rather, "a woman of a certain age" and mentions women who are "experiencing a time in a woman’s life where unwanted physical and mental ailments like hot flashes, mental fog and insomnia can plague even the best of us." Even the "best of us"? It's such interesting wording. Then she brings race into her discussion but quickly adds, "This isn't about race." The whole piece does indeed seem to be missing the point (many points.) I *do not* care to read more from this editorial writer and I *do* care about Melani. :D
Just had to stop back to add: I just visited Alan Wright's blog and reread Sandra Cisneros' generous and lovely poem, "When In Doubt." So, erring on the side of generosity, I'll add that I think opinion writers sometimes have to really stretch to find things to write about and that's ok too. I don't have to care about that either, lol!
ReplyDeleteI am joining that club! I don't care about the greys in my hair or the lines on my face - I'm tired of trying to pretend that time doesn't pass, or that bodies don't change with time!
ReplyDeleteHeidi, your have provided a template for a poem that offers humor and truth. The beginning of the second stanza offers a critical point that many of us in my neigbhorhood try to rectify. Sagging upper arms are a sore subject especially in the summer bathing suit weather. But should it bring sadness or revival that will spark a new way of thinking of our body.
ReplyDeleteA week late to this party, but so glad I wandered in. Can't wait to explore these links! Happy Pride Month & love all around. :0) (R - more sags, more sass....)
ReplyDelete