Monday, April 22, 2013

30d30w: word 22


birthday 

secret whistles,
fiery code…
              nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty
         cage. 

something whispers…
furry coat?
thumping?
sniffing whiskers! 

subtle wishes,
for a buried

FORgive me. I was seriously close to really breaking the rules and adding an a to Tabatha's for, so that "fiery" and "furry" could be followed by a two-syllable f-word. (Heh.)  But then I realized I'd be guilty of two crimes: one) adding two words instead of one, and two) insisting on something that might not serve the poem's meaning.  I'm always telling kids that trying to rhyme makes you say things you don't mean, and I was about to do the same.  So I'm BREAKING THE ESTABLISHED PATTERN (oof) and going with Janet's buried.  Be free, little poem!

8 comments:

  1. I was NOT thinking of the pattern!! Sorry. I could have tried harder for you! But , I kind of like buried!

    gift

    pup



    (Still thinking alive, here, just FYI!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Be free, indeed! SO HARD sometimes. How 'about

    dream

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  3. I was about to write hopes, then saw that it had already been suggested.

    So I'll suggest something less morose:
    bones

    (well, I guess you could interpret that as downright sinister, but that's not what I intended.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. deep, although I like Margaret's 'hopes' a lot!

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  5. Your poem,
    your deal,
    go for it,
    enjoy

    ReplyDelete
  6. intentions
    disappointment
    sadness
    pistachios
    noses

    ReplyDelete