Sunday, April 28, 2013

30d30w: word 28


birthday  

secret whistles,
fiery code…
                   nothing.
happy wrapping
hides the empty
        cage.
something whispers:
furry coat
                thumping
sniffing whiskers

subtle wishes,
buried hope…
                 surprise!
eyespawsears leap

Here's our patient little poem without the questions marks, just to try that out...and Margaret's suggestion yesterday narrows down the animal, so to speak.  With only two words left, its species will be left unspecified (which is all right by me--ambiguity in a poem is, I think, often what allows it to speak directly to a wide range of listeners).  However, I'll admit I'd been thinking bunny or smaller, and "leap" is more of a cat or dog word.  I also liked Janet's bound, but that would be an even bigger beast, I believe, and harder to lose.  Or hide.  : )

Here's an interesting question:  must word 29 be an adverb now?  Or, if we accept that Word 30 is "lap," what else might work? 

6 comments:

  1. Thanks for choosing leap. I like the poem without question marks, smoother flow.
    I am a fan of alliteration, so if the last word needs to be lap, I'll throw in love.

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  2. happily
    eagerly

    lovingly

    finally



    (Thinking last word is "up" not "lap"....)
    Maybe take out ears and use leap there , then, INTO for today? And tomorrow, voila, lap! You are in charge, but....we all want that strong poem! IMHO...... I think it has really done more than I expected. Still pondering firey code...

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  3. I'm still trying to figure out what the "secret whistles" and "fiery code" have to do with the rest of the poem...maybe I'm being to literal, or missing something quite obvious...

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  4. lick!

    Does that reveal too much about what kind of surprise our critter is?

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